Ted’s Montana Grill…More Like Ted’s Montana Hell

Why do I have this picture of a chain?  To signify what I have come to dislike about food…to signify what I have come to dislike about restaurants.  THE CHAIN RESTAURANT.  Not all of them, but 95% of them.  They service is often mediocre, the decor borders on the tacky, and the food suffers from bordem, incuriousity, and consumer-driven menus.  Now…like I said there are a small percentage of chain restaurants that do put out a quality product (Five Guys, In and Out, Fosters Grille, and The Higher End Steakhouses [Mortons, Ruth Chris, etc.] (I am not including fast food restaurants in this).  But the Cheesecake Factories, Olive Gardens, Chilis, and Golden Corrals of the world…they should be banished, and Ted’s Montana Grill, should also be banished with them.

Now, you may be asking yourself, “Marc, if you don’t like chains, how and/or why are you reviewing this place?”  Yesterday afternoon my sister calls me, and asks if my wife and I would like to join her and my parents for dinner at a restaurant.  Mind you, while she is asking me this, I am kind of suspicious, because my sister is not as…how should I say…”adventurous” or “dedicated” when it comes to food.  But being that this is about family, I graciously accepted.  She calls me later on before I leave work to tell me that “Mom and Dad said they never been to Ted’s Montana Grill, so they want to try it”.  I am still kind of suspicious.  While at dinner, I come to find out my sister has been to Ted’s Montana Grill a few times, and been to the location that we dined at with such frequency that she remembered the waitress.  Sounds like my sister wanted to eat there more than my parents.  Either way, I met up with my family there.

For those who don’t know about this place, this is a restaurant chain started by Media Mogul Ted Turner…yeah, the same Ted Turner who started CNN, was married to Jane Fonda, and managed to pursue one of the most horrid business deals in history (AOL/Time Warner Merger).  He is also, if memory serves me, the largest private landowner in the United States, owns a sizeable chunk of Montana, and on his acreage, owns a great deal of buffalo…which is a theme ingredient at the restaurant, as well as a logo of the restaurant.  They got buffalo ribeyes, buffalo burgers, etc., etc.  In addition to that, they have the same old tired menu items they have at most chains…grilled shrimp, onion rings, ceasar salad, blah-blah-blah-blah.

I don’t really want to spend too much time reviewing this place, because it was really that bad.  I mean, I asked myself last night “Was it bad, because it was really bad?” or “Was it bas, because I am a food snob?”  And really…it was the former…it was bad.  I ordered some grilled shrimp for an appetizer, and if the shrimp was grilled…I surely didn’t taste it.  It was more than likely pan-seared, and it was slightly overcooked.  Also, the shrimp was way overseasoned.  I gave a piece to my father and he nearly puckered up his face because of the salt content.  It was served “lazily” on a piece of bread…not impressed at all.  Mind you, it took about 20 minutes for my appetizer, as well as my wife’s appetizer and my parents’ appetizers to get to us.  The place wasn’t well-staffed at all.  I ordered for my main a bacon, chedder, and bbq bison burger.  Because bison doesn’t have a great deal of fat, like beef, one should never cook bison no more than medium.  I asked for a medium-rare burger.  The cook, I guess, doesn’t know what medium-rare means, because I received a “rare” burger…it was purple-ish/red in the middle.  I was so hungry at that point, I didn’t care.  A side of densely onion rings were served with them.  They were dipped in cornmeal and then fried…not good texturally.  Honestly…I think the onion rings were not fresh at all.  I believe they were frozen.  LAZY, LAZY, LAZY, LAZY COOKING!!!  The best part of my meal was the ginger ale and the check.

The food sat in my stomach all night so bad, I couldn’t sleep.  My wife had the same reaction.  This is commonplace in alot of chain places.  They have to learn that there is more to life than onion blossoms, mexican-style egg rolls, and flavorless soups.  Fresh ingredients, proper technique…and yes, you can do that, and serve it for a good price.  Mr. Turner can’t run a restaurant like he does a business, and for this, he gets a “3″ on the “1 to 10″ scale that Alicia and I have (“1″ being complete and utter crap and “10″ being a completely foodgasmic experience).  I think the only reason why I didn’t give it a “1″, was because the waitress was very sweet, and she was doing the best she could with the little resources she had.  My parents left her a decent tip, and I went home to a night of indigestion and “The Real Housewives of Atlanta”.  DEAR GOD!!!

I usually give out the website to the restaurant…NOT THIS TIME!!!!